The Hatred of Longing
by Lord Vincent
Summary: Draco malfoy needs one thing. He only has the desire to hold his hand, touch his skin, and to see his beautiful eyes brighten the room with a gleam of hope. He wants what he is forced to hate. Draco malfoy wants and needs Harry Potter. As they slowly learn truths about each other will they come together or will everyone fall apart. Warning (Mild abuse and sexual orientation)
1. Chapter 1

As he caresses Draco's cheek and gazes into his eyes leaning in close enough his breath tingles against Draco's pale skin. "Please stay with me?"

He says with a shimmer in his deep, penetrating gaze. Draco's mind swims in what his beloved would say next reeling on every word that slipped from his rosy lips. All he could ever think about in class anymore was his love.

It was consuming him from his deepest most ignored subconsious to his most conscious thoughts. The only thought that crossed Draco's mind, Harry Potter. Harry saddens and with a delicate whisper in Draco's ear "Wake up..."

He awoke to see a irritated Snape standing next to his bed almost noticeably pacing. He walked out of the room once Draco's body was up and out of bed. Snape could hear his vile tongue spewing off what he knew to be untrue.

"Bloody hell! Couldn't you allow me the peace I had of strangling Potter in his sleep?" He slightly flinched at his own words to his dear friend. 'Why must I hate him?' Ran through his head every day and when he awoke to an empty bed he would have a heavy soul.

His body feeling sluggish he decided to walk down the large hall not paying attention to the intricate details in the paintings that would either mock , ignore, flirt, or look down upon him. He rarely seemed to care anymore about his studies, but then again when did he ever care before?

Shrugging to himself he walks into the girls bath. He would make it a habit to bathe in the morning when no one was around. He began to undress himself in a tedious manner then a small tune escapes past his lips and a sweet delicate voice came out of the bubbles, this puzzled him for a

moment. "What are you doing here, Malfoy!?" echoed off the marble walls and a stunned Draco watched the droplets slide down his pale chest. All he could manage out was a weak and feeble question"Why Potter?". Harry frowned and stood up. Every inch of his wonderous flesh glistened.

Staring he tried to look away from Harry's long, delicious torso. His appendages hung limp as his words fell on deaf ears. Draco's heart raced, chest tightened, and his body shaking at what lays before his eyes. When all of a sudden Harry smiles and starts to walk over. Grabbing a towel on the

way he ruffles his hair and dries his body agonizingly slow. Harry stands only a couple of inches from his face and his voice breaks their staring contest, "Draco, when do you want to meet up for our potions assignment? I'm free tonight if that's all right?".

Putting up his façade draco snears, steps away, and then speaks harsh, pierced words," Why must you waste my time for a potions assignment you lost in the first place!? Tonight is fine but I don't want to spend anymore time on it or you!". The hurt could be read on his soft face. His hair hung

slightly, making it difficult to see his eyes. All Draco managed to see was a droplet slide down Harry's face and hear the words barely escape his vocal chords, "Of course...see you tonight after dinner...". He then grabbed his clothes and ran from the bathroom, tears visibly streaming down

his scarlet cheeks. " What have I done!?" Was all that was heard from Draco's mouth for the rest of his bath.


	2. Chapter 2

Tapping his pencil rapidly against the desk Draco glances at Harry. Its the last class of the day before dinner. Harry has not made eye contact and was visibly uncomfortable sitting next to his "enemy". Draco scribbles on a paper and slides it to Harry hoping he will read it. Flustered he quickly starts on another set of questions for their homework.

Harry unfolds the note with caution and rereads it creating a noticeable blush'Harry...I am sorry for what I said. Please meet me right after class in my dormitories. Yours Truly, Draco' . Harry leaned into Draco's ear and mumbled "You are mine!" Shivering at his words Draco shot up as Snape dismissed the class. He ran to his dorms heart racing.

He quickly threw his robes off panting in his chamber. He had one to himself because of his father. A knock on the door signified Harry read the note and followed the request. Draco opened his door and let him slide in. Harry was blushing and ruffled his hair nervously. Draco's pants slowly tightened and he stared deeply into dark deep emeralds.

Harry step closer and whispered breathily "Why did you want to meet Draco?" Fidgeting Draco leaned in hugging Harry and mumbled" because I needed you..." Pulling away Harry stops his pale, dainty figure from leaving and slowly kisses his lips. Shaking like a leaf in the wind Draco pounced Harry and pulled him close for a passionate embrace. Harry lifted Draco and carried him to the bed. Fingers pulling hair and grinding hips pulsed heat through their veins.

Harry flops Draco onto the bed ,unzips, and pulls his pants off. A painfully large bulge throbbed underneath his boxers. Draco looks away as Harry smirks and slides his boxers down to his knees. Harry kneels down and grasps his lovers pale cock. Running his fingers over the tip he licks down the side until he meets golden locks near the base. "Damn it Harry, you are to much of a tease!"

Draco grips his covers and Harry continuously licks him only ever sucking lightly on the tip. Harry pulls away and throws off his robes and shirt showing off chiseled abs. He takes all of Draco's thick cock into his mouth slowly. He stares back up at him and rubs his thighs in gentle circles. Panting he grips Harry's dark locks hoping he will go faster.

Harry pulls away smirking and kisses Draco's neck. Biting and sucking to leave large hickeys, moans are elicited from Draco. Harry whispers in a deep husky voice "You will always be mine!" He pulls away puts his clothes back on and walks to the door. By the way Draco, I never lost the assignment and I turned it in after you left class." He winks with a cocky grin plastered on him. He leaves yelling "Goodnight love, I will see you tomorrow in class."

Draco sits there panting and baffled relishing in his throbbing cock and neck. All he could mutter was "Woah..."


	3. Chapter 3

Draco jolted out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. Head aching and heat rushing over his cheeks. Mumbling "Black...dots..." he quickly fainted banging his head onto the counter top. Red gushed onto the glistening, white marble. His fragile frame shivered against the chill floor, stomach cramping from starvation. He pants slightly from his intense fever and barely spasms.

Drifting through a dark void every ounce of hate he ever showed to Harry drifted past him in scenes. Each one just showed how much he hated himself. No matter what he did now could never make up for any of the words he threw, at the time, his "enemy". He felt empty and cold, but he kept screaming at the scene before him where he and Harry where arguing about an assignment.

He went up to himself and tried to smack him but he fell through the misty figures and they continued. This went on until Draco curled himself up crying ,in pain physically and emotionally. His body convulsing, tears streaming, and eyes hazy, all he can do is sit and watch every wrong eat away at him. Whispering 'Please, someone save me..."

Harry Sat in his first class waiting patiently for his love to come waltzing in proud but he never showed to Mcgonagall's class. All day it slowly set in that he was not in any of their shared classes. "Did I scare him off?" ran through Harry's mind in the middle of potions where Ron was his partner for the day. Worried Harry nudged Ron just as he was putting in a drop of an odd mixture and he missed the cauldron. Annoyed he looked over and suddenly changed to a concerned expression for his long time friend.

"What is up with you today Harry?" rolled off of his tongue with a perplexed facial expression to follow. "I was wondering if you saw Draco today at all?" was barely audible from Harry's lips. A visible blush could be seen thinking about his blonde angel and a pang of hurt set forth in Ron's chest. "I haven't seen him Harry but with Malfoy he could be avoiding you."

Those words echoed in Harry's mind and upset him. 'Fine' he thought, 'Two can play at that game.' Ron smirked to himself knowing he could win this cat and mouse game. Sliding his arm around his friend he begins to unfold a dark plan. "Harry why not come hang out with me today and avoid him back. When you see him, pretend he isn't there. That will teach him not to mess with your heart like this."

Harry, already being revved up emotionally, agreed and they headed off to dinner. He was prepared to see Draco's solemn face at the Slytherin table. He never showed up. He forced himself to focus on Ron and Hermoine arguing. 'Something doesn't feel right though' kept edging itself forward from the back of his mind. All night he felt uneasy but not once did he go check on Draco.

After dinner Snape went to visit his beloved nephew. His worry went unnoticed due to his natural demeanor. Rushing down the corridor he felt uneasy. He knew Draco had issues with his health ever sense birth, not to mention the disorders that developed after his first years at Hogwarts. He needed to be monitored regularly or else he would do more damage then what could be fixed.


	4. Chapter 4

Snape knocked on Draco's door calmly. Nothing came from the inside, he knocked more frantically this time calling for his nephew. Absolute silence, not even a groan of annoyance. "Snape muttered to the door and it flew open. Draco's room was dark with one streak of light from the bathroom.

An all white bathroom now had semi-dried blood on the floor and counter top. Horror scrolled across his face watching his only friend was on the floor in a destructive state. Snape did not dare tough him. He called for poppy and had her treat him in the bathroom. She quickly cleaned up the blood and gave him three doses of a serum for his fever and the spasms.

She looked grim and quickly levitated him to the infirmary for emergency therapy. Once there Draco had recovered enough to be left to bed rest. "Snape when did he eat last? He shows dangerous signs of malnourishment and he seems to be self harming. Did you know about this?"

Snape sat there stunned and shakily said " He was getting better. I hadn't seen any signs for self harm. I was even joining him for all of his meals and made sure that Pansy was forcing him to eat. How could he...", Poppy interjected sitting next to him, " Its not hard for Draco to hide these things. He has a brave face Snape. My biggest concern is why did it start again?"

Snape could only mutter " I don't know."Draco was quietly muttering as he traveled through his terror ridden dreams. Some parts gave way to a giggle and others forced spams of terror. "Poppy, How long will he be like this? Can you ease his sleep?"

She nods and he relaxes as she puts a serum on his forehead rubbing it gently to soak in. "I can't say how long. Don't allow visitors for now though. He is struggling."Snape understands and stays the rest of the night next to him grading papers. He fails every paper knowing that they're all terribly done from the first sentence.

Ron, Harry, and Hermione all sit in the corridor as Ron smokes a cigarette. They were all sitting around talking when Hermione plops down next to Harry. She smiles and sets her hand on his knee, "Hey, Whats up with you today. I normally get a better conversation out of you." He semi smiles at her and moves her hand to his and mutters "I am worried about Draco not liking me anymore."

She almost gasped and started a rant but Ron was present and he would have smacked her otherwise. She flinched outwardly at the thought that he may do that here. She quickly asked Harry "Lets go for a walk?" Ron jolted up and gave her a dirty look. She had on a tight lipped smile and spit out "Ron, sweetie I just want me and Harry to have a heart to heart..."

Rolling his eyes he waved her and Harry away. As soon as they left the room she breathed a sigh of relief. Harry seemed oblivious to her fear of Ron. Ron quickly went to his private box with pictures of Hermione and Harry kissing at the lake.

He knew it was his power over her. Ron's father always did encourage all of the Weasleys to partake in the muggle world. Why not the fulfilling part? He slowly unbuckled his pants and whipped his penis out in front of the fire. Staring at the pictures he became a brick. Touching and stroking himself, he always finished quickly. He could never last.

As Harry and Hermione walk outside near the lake she begins to ask cautiously "Why are you so worried?" Harry thought carefully and responded with "I love him!" She smiles and hugs him. She sits and breathes out, "That's great Harry! I hope everything works out for you both. Can I ask what makes you think he doesn't like you though?"

Harry mumbles ,"He didn't show to school today, Ron said he was avoiding me." At Ron's name Hermione almost broke down in tears whimpering "Don't ever trust Ron! He is not our friend." He looked at Hermione confused but then he saw her legs were very bruised and he realized suddenly. Ron was an enemy, a dangerous enemy.

"I need to go check on Draco, then. Hermione, do you need a place to stay tonight?" she noodded and he took her hand all the way back to Slytherin dorms asking Pansy to take care of her for him. She was horrified and willingly took her in. Harry then went back to Ron furious. He startled Ron causing him to jump up knocking his box to fall onto the ground,"Oh you're back!" He quickly opened his arms and stepped in front of the box.

Ron seemed smug and Harry finally understood he was warped. Harry cautiously moved forward and Ron shifted so the box was out of view. Harry noticed that and asked "whats in the box Ron?" He smirked and chuckled "oh this box? Nothing important just some, leverage"Harry frowned and mumbled "What kind of leverage?" Ron suddenly went pale.

Suddenly solemn and annoyed "Some things to keep whores in line...Don't worry about it Harry." Clenching his fists Harry smiled and got closer "I understand Ron!" Ron's relief was evident as he relaxed and sighed putting his hand on Harry's shoulder ,but it suddenly turned to violence when he quickly pushed Ron and threw some punches. He collapsed and he pinned his old friend, blood wouldn't stop and neither did Harry.

Dread filled him as he picked up the box. He opened it keeping Ron down and dropped it immediately. He got up and kicked the box into the fire. What he and Hermione did did't matter. A kiss of comfort on her cheek and a tight embrace when Ron was cheating on her, that did not mean she deserved this. He sent Hedwig with a message of what Ron had been doing and forced Dumbledore to be ban him from school.

Harry tied up Ron to the fire place and quickly rushed to Draco's dorm hoping to settles things and find his love. Worry flooded him and even made him faster ,but when he got there. No one answered.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry lightly tapped the large, wooden door calling out,"Draco! It's Harry, I know you might be confused and hurt but please at least listen to me?" He knocked a little harder nudging the door open. A sudden burst of concern and dread flew across his eyes.

He cautiously steps in and immediately a panic rushes to through his veins bringing a chill to him. He storms out after glancing at the bathroom. Sick to his stomach he heads to Snape's office for answers. Harry ran in circles all night looking for Draco. When he was running to the library hoping he was safely asleep in a pile of books, the sun had started to rise. He fell to knees near the forbidden section. Tears glistened and drenched the floor as he lulled himself to sleep.

Snape never slept that night. As he stood over the tea kettle he makes a pungently fruity tea. Something he only did for the relaxing scent but intense caffeine. Sighing he deeply inhaled to release tension. Outwardly he seemed to just slump his shoulders slightly, but inwardly his heart slowed to a calm rhythm. Draco had slits of light gleam onto his face, it did not seem to bother him.

Draco stopped shedding his tears around midnight. He had become numb to the constant fighting between his misty figures. It felt like an eternity. His life's mistakes playing before him. It finally got to him and Harry as potions partners. He uncurled slightly and watched as the figures touched hands, flirting, in a silent manner. Harry's figure leaned in close many times and his voice sounded sweet and warm.

Draco uncurled and stood walking close to Harry's misty self, an echoed voice came from Draco "I love you Harry!" Draco smiles to himself halfheartedly. He walks away from the figures into an endless sea of dreams he has had with Harry. A warm beach his family took him to as a child appeared. He felt calm and warm. He stayed sitting there.

Draco's eyes fluttered open around mid noon. The sea drifted away but the calming ocean scent and warmth stayed. He groaned and Snape stood quickly yelling "Poppy come here now!" he semi smiled at Draco and Poppy got to work on making him lunch and a medicine for his weak immune system. After they both assisted Draco up right they looked at him with worry.

Draco looked down at the BLT sandwich with french fries and some pineapple and kiwi. A hearty and balanced meal, something anyone could finish. Not Draco, he saddened and pushed it away slightly mumbling, " I'm not hungry..." Snape gave a dirty glare and demanded "Eat, You are not allowed to leave until you do!" Draco picked up the fork and nibbled shakily on a kiwi.

Tearing up he continued staring at the fries. He completed half of his sandwich and a third of his fries. The fruit was gone,but it took him two and a half hours to complete his meal. Snape looked saddened but satisfied and let Draco stand up. Draco was wobbly but walked to the bathroom. Poppy followed so there was no reoccurring incident.

He felt his forehead where the bandage was. Poppy came over and rubbed his shoulder. She handed him some pills, "These are to strengthen your bones once at EVERY meal. You can't keep doing this. Do you want the bandage off?" She gestures as he nods slightly. She unwraps him steadily and smiles "See not a problem, just 4 stitches. Now go on and shower. Clean yourself up!" She helps him undress and shower.

Coming out of the bathroom he looks clean and good as new. Snape smiles hugging him lightly and leads him back to his office. Class would be starting and Draco needed to still be there. He would listen in from the office. That was the plan. Students slowly trickled in. Harry, exhausted, plopped down in his seat. He couldn't find Draco.

Copying notes is all Draco did, Harry slowly scribbled across his papers. All that was written was "Where are you Draco?". As class finished they both sighed and just sat there staring at filled sheets. One with only one phrase the other nothing but potions. Harry stood up and left for dinner. Draco slowly got up and walked to the dining hall.

Pansy is sitting next to Hermione at the Slytherin table. Everyone was at the Slytherin table. Dinner was almost over and only a handful of students remained. Draco sees them both and flashes a quick smile. Sitting down in between the girls he gives a puzzled look to Hermione. Shrugging he hugs them both and eats slowly some chicken and fruit. They wait patiently, then everyone heads to the Slytherin dorm for a good pow wow.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry sat alone at the Gryffindor table picking at his meal. Glancing over at Hermione, he sees Draco walk in. Watching him closely sitting down with the girls and they hugged. Harry's chest tightened while tears formed in the corner of his eyes, Draco looked fine from that distance. Harry thought it be best to wait for them outside the dining hall.

He sat there determined to catch them and fell asleep sitting against the wall. Draco and the girls stood up and left. Stopping outside the door Draco stood frozen at the sight of a slumped Harry. He shakes slightly and turns away heading to Pansy's room. Both of them have already sat down next to the fire place and are drinking hot chocolate. Pansy made Draco a blueberry acacia tea. Something sweet and soothing his mum used to make for him when he hurt himself.

Both of the girls look to him and patted the floor in between them. He sat and then everyone solemnly drank their beverages for a few moments. The first to speak was Hermione, " Thank you both for being my friend. I hate that we have had to pretend to hate each other all this time..." she takes a moment to breathe and hold back some tears," Ron, loved me at one point you guys. He just got lost along the way. I haven't seen him sense Harry dropped me off here Pansy."

Smiling Draco hugged her and teared up. "It'll be okay Hermione..." Pansy put her hand on his shoulder asking with her down trodden face, "Draco, why do you have stitches?" His semi smile turned to a frown. Sipping on the aromatic tea he explained how he fell in the bathroom. Tears slowly dripped down his cheeks and onto the floor. Pansy knew he was getting thin, but she didn't know it was a problem.

He always ate at the dining hall. There were no visible signs, She slowly pulled him into her lap and hugged him tight. Hermione came up from behind and joined in the love. They sat there feeling each others warmth and comfort for what felt like hours. They eventually let go and held hands talking about simple things. Class, the weather, pets, family, friends, anything to stay away from the large amount of pain that was floating all around.

Draco was invited to sleep in the Slytherin commons instead of his private house. He did not want to leave his friends. They did go to sleep in there own beds up stairs. Never really sleeping he sat up on the couch and decided to go for a walk. All night he laid with closed eyes only to be restless, constantly seeing visions of Harry smiling. Leaving a note for the girls he headed out to no where in particular.

Walking seemed difficult, almost unfeasible. Draco was so pale you could see his scars on his wrists. His baby blue t-shirt and emerald green silky pants made him look surreal in the moonlight. Saddened eyes kept him walking, searching for something to fill the void. An hour went by when he found himself down by the lake. He watched the water kiss the tips of his toes and then recede back.

This went on for a while until he fell asleep on smooth sand and pebbles. Harry awoke in alarm, he jolted up feeling woozy. Walking towards the lake for comfort, he sighs mumbling, "I miss you, Draco!"


	7. Chapter 7

Harry noticed the glowing figure on the shore. He slowly approached and sat next to the curled up figure. Smiling he spoke gently, "Are you asleep?..." With no response he continued, " I didn't realize how much I was oblivious too, especially you. I don't want you to avoid me ever again. Please, Draco?"

Lightly running his hands through Draco's hair he notices the stitches. Tears drip onto the sand and Harry wipes them gently from Draco's cheek. Sighing Harry gently nudges the sleeping boy in front of him. He is completely passed out. The tide slowly creeps in causing Harry to worry more about Draco. Gently readjusting his fragile frame, he picks Draco up and starts walking back to Draco's private dormitory.

Draco was mumbling in his sleep. The door was still unlocked and easy to push open. Harry sat him down on the bed. Lightly taking his hand and rubbing small circles into his palm Harry stares at Draco's sleeping face. Something overtook Harry and he kissed Draco's forehead.

Leaning into his ear whispering "I really love you. Can I stay with you?" Draco suddenly opens his eyes and whispers back, "You can stay tonight..." Harry jolts back as Draco sits up groaning. Draco tried to stand up off the bed ,but Harry quickly grabbed his wrist and gently tugged Draco towards him. Complying, Harry found a slender figure straddling him.

Staring into deep emeralds Draco leaned in cautiously and kissed Harry. Both boys relaxed once their lips collided. A surreal warmth was set in. Pulling Draco closer Harry's arms kept a tight embrace, rubbing circles into his back. Draco pulled away slowly and laid his head onto his love's shoulder. He ran his fingers through Draco's hair again.

At that moment they were content with one another. Moving slightly they both laid down comfortably. Harry never let go of Draco. He had realized that Draco was sick and needed support. He was never leaving him alone again. Kissing his head and gently laying his chin atop a blond sea he lightly breathed in and out. Draco smelt of the tropics. A sweet, fruity aroma that for some reason only Draco ever had.

Nuzzling into his broad chest Draco realized he missed Harry desperately. Looking up he moved some dark curls out of the way and he kissed Harry's neck. Blushing he pushed Draco away lightly and mumbled "What are you doing, love?". Draco turned over irritated and exhausted and barked, "Nothing, Potter. Forget it!"

Harry semi-smiled and nuzzled into the crook of Draco's neck, hugging him from behind. Slowly he starts kissing from his ear down his neck to his shoulder. Slowly rolling Draco onto his back, Harry lifts up his shirt so his tanned abs show off in comparison to the pale receding stomach below him. Harry kept kissing his neck. Nipping, lightly enough to bruise he squirms brushing against his cock.

A quick gasp came from Draco and a groan from Harry. Grinding against Draco, their lips clash together in a battle of lust. Harry unzips his pants and suddenly Draco pushes him off tearing up. Quietly he mumbles," Get out..." He tried to interject "Draco, Please whats this..." but then he yelled "Get out! Draco was bawling, the love of his life was trying to use him. Just like that man when he was a child.

"No one would ever love someone like me. I am just a sex toy to you Potter!" Harry stood looking furious and baffled. How could something so right go so wrong. Harry walked up to Draco and held his shoulders "What are you talking about?" Draco smirked through tears and zipped up his pants. Harry realized what Draco meant and felt mortified.

Draco quickly pulls away and yells "If you won't leave my quarters I will. Good night, Potter!" Storming out for the night he heads to his uncle's dormitories. A place he has not stayed in a while.


End file.
